"All those places
Where I recall
The memories that grip me
And pin me down"
Silence, by Polly Jean Harvey
And then one day the thing I was carrying turned to nothing...a void.
All I felt was the emptiness. It hung there like an alien spaceship, between the solidity of my surroundings. It took up residence, adapting its shape to fit without spare.
I could be with people but alone and with an almighty disturbance. A vast cavity silently confronted me, haunted me. I'm not sure I had any desire to fill it, not just then. It was a cruel and necessary step. What once kept it at bay was no longer for me, was not mine.
The cavity was cold, it hurt. It sprang up to mock my mistakes and my selfish decisions.
It shall always be ready to occupy the gaps.